Without writing another note right now, there are some common questions that I see in comments. If you read the above link, I do try to touch on those. However, if you just want the general run down, here you go:
I’m not. It was an accident. I meant to post to just family and friends; and yesterday I couldn’t figure out why I had over 100 friend request. I actually thought maybe my account got hacked or something. Yes, I could take it down, but so many people have already read and seen it at this point.
How did it work?
It is still a work in progress. This incident just happened last week. It has made a difference though. When I ask him to do something, he does it. Today, I was down for count sick. When he got home from school, we discussed his day, looked over homework and grades, and then he asked me to write out a list of what I needed him to do today. He did those tasks, and I allowed him a little bit of screen time. I keep all the electronics, and allow him to use it during the time I allocate it. If he doesn’t give it back when I say time is up, he won’t be able to have screen time again for a while. He can earn back some of his other items instead.
How did he react initially?
He came home, saw the note, crumpled it on the floor, and stormed out of the apartment. I have always encouraged him to take a walk when he is upset so that he can collect his thoughts so when we try to talk, we are able to talk, and not just yell at each other. I do the same thing- sometimes, I just need to walk away and collect myself. I am not above admitting that. He was still livid when he got home. He decided to stage a “sit in” in my room, where he did laugh at me and repeat, “Really? What are you going to do? You can’t take my stuff, etc”. He was asked to leave my room, and when he could be respectful, and I was more calm, we would discuss it further. He went to his room, and after about an hour, he had removed some electronics and items I missed that he felt he should have to earn back for his behavior. He apologized, and asked what could he do to make things better and start earning items back. He earned his comforter and some clothes right back. I did leave him some clothes to begin with, just not the ones he would want to wear everyday. He also had some pillows and sheets, just not his favorite ones.
How does he earn money?
He is a YouTuber.
Why am I just now disciplining him?
I’m not. He has always had consequences. It is just that as he gets older, he also gets more responsibilities because he is old enough to handle more. That seems to be where he wants to dig his heels into the ground more. He wants the perks of growing up without the responsibility that comes with it.
Why don’t I lead by example?
I do. If you read the above link that has his expectations, there are a list of daily chores. He only has to pick two. That means, I do the others. We sit and talk daily. Most days we sit and have breakfast and dinner together at the table. We play board and card games. We read. I’m not a bully dictator trying to “control” my child. I am a parent who has every RIGHT to have rules, expectations, and consequences for my child.
**2019 Addendum**
Though, this was written back in 2015, it was a separate note. Since so much time has passed between the letter and explanation of the letter, the explanation of the letter is often overlooked. I have decided to include the Letter explanation here as an Addendum so it can be easily found.The child is going to have a rude awakening today after the words he exchanged with me last night. Not only will be find this on the door, but his mattress stripped, and the toys and clothes that I bought confiscated. He will have three options.. Buy his own, rent his clothes at $3 a day, or renegotiate his terms of being a child. Mama’s done playing games and being a doormat
